5.11.12

co-sleeping: something i love to do. always have.

growing up, i shared a room with my sister for a long time, and before that i was on a bunk bed in my brother's room.
even when we had our own rooms, i often slept in her bed in her room. i just needed someone there.
in college i preferred a shared room (even with a random roommate who would lock me out  as she 'prayed' all night long... or would make my bed and leave notes about how she couldn't feel the spirit in a messy room... ha) to a single.
in romania, i slept on the floor with two girls next to me and two on a bed in the same room.
when we got married, i loved having a queen sized bed - better for cuddling.
anyways, recently calvin has been sleeping with me.
c and i both sleep better when we are next to each other. we have done this before, but as he got bigger, our bed got too small for three people. c was the one kicked out and put back in his crib... this time around it's been josh. we start out the night with josh and i... c wakes up around midnight and i bring him into our bed.. sometime between then 7am josh ends up in the guest room.
after a few nights of this, c again was sent back to his crib.
this whole week i have been trying to get cal to sleep in his crib. i thought a few episodes of cio would work but...
now that he can pull himself up, he stands at the end of the crib closest to the door and wails while he tries with all his might to climb over the side. when i go back to check on him, his little arms are stretched out reaching for me, his head is wet from tears and sweat, and he has a coughing fit trying to catch his breathe...
so. not. worth. it.
i pick him up. he grabs onto me and clings for dear life. buries his head into my neck, closes his eyes and whimpers.
when i think he is asleep. i lay him down. sometimes he rolls on his side, grabs his blanket, and continues sleeping. most of the time his little arms start searching the bed and when he realizes he is alone, his eyes and mouth shoot open.
this is when i crawl into his crib. cuddle him like crazy, as he calms down and falls to sleep. i purposefully take deep relaxing breathes, and he mimics me. i kiss his cheeks and inhale his baby breathe. his little hands always find my hair and he rolls it between his perfect fingers, or tickles it across his face.
when his breathing slows, and his hands drop my hair and fall to his side... i carefully make my way out of his crib..
surprisingly, i am not frustrated with this little routine we have going right now.
i learned early on that having kids is all about phases. that things come and go... he'll eat, play, and sleep perfectly for a little while, then teething comes and throws it off... or he learns how to crawl and can't do anything else but practice... and then all of the sudden he is back to eating, playing, and sleeping like a champ.
so for now, through this phase... i will enjoy being calvin's mom - the one he wants close to him as he falls asleep.