thoughts...

on motherhood.

 when i was younger, there were multiple times i talked to my mom about how i wanted to grow up and have a career, and that i was going to hold off having kids for a while and i did not want to be a stay at home mom. 'i would be so bored!'
o... i couldn't have been more wrong.

yeah, yeah, i know. i have only been a mother for 8 months now - and am no expert at it, but i have had a few recent thoughts that i wanted to share. 

last month the vt message was about being guardians of the hearth.. now if you are like me, when the friend i visit asked me what a hearth was.. i almost told her it was what they carry dead people in, but that didn't make sense...  so, i said i wasn't sure.

well come to find out, it is synonymous with home, or household. now that makes a lot more sense.

my favorite quote from the lesson came from president hinckley - my prophet. 

(i just browsed through that old blog.. haha! is all i have to say)

anyways, the quote was this:

“you are the guardians of the hearth. you are the bearers of the children. you are they who nurture them and establish within them the habits of their lives. no other work reaches so close to divinity as does the nurturing of the sons and daughters of God."

ding! ding! ding!

divinity = the feeling that overcomes me when i hold me sweet baby.

when cal was first born, i found myself overcome with these indescribable feelings of gratitude/reverence/amazement/joy/adoration/love. 

i would cry as i sat and stared at my tender newborn, kissing his sweet cheeks, and touching is soft hair.

i tried to explain to josh, that it wasn't just a hormonal-sleepless-new-robot-mom cry.

it was a little piece of heaven. divine personal revelation that i am meant to be a mother.

so back to visiting teaching. we were having a discussion about being stay at home moms (sahm). one sister has no children and talked about being so excited to have children and stay at home with them for the sole reason that she wouldn't have to work anymore...
 the other sister has been a sahm for three years, a mother of 2 boys, and she talked about how hard it is to give up personal things... a career, an advanced education, hobbies etc. to be a mother.

it reminded me of this article, that i stumbled upon the other day, and loved:

"One of the cornerstone beliefs of the modern secular world is that the meaning of life is to maximize your personal pleasure and comfort; therefore, people are encouraged to minimize phases of life that might involve hard work or service of others. This probably impacts women with young children more than anyone. They receive the message loud and clear that their situation, with all the mess and physically demanding work that goes with it, is the very antithesis of a good life. No way to thrive here, the thinking goes. Best to have the minimum number of children you may want, and then get sterilized or use contraception to make sure that this phase of life is completely finished, so you can get back to real living. Women start to think that they should accept this sad fate of looking (and feeling) tired and sloppy, that the only solution is to just grit their teeth, power through, and get past this time of life as quickly as possible."

Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/blog/jennifer-fulwiler/the-apron-the-ultimate-symbol-of-a-culture-of-life/#ixzz1pld0rHKM

since finishing school, and passing boards, i have decided to not work as a nurse.
call me crazy for working so hard in school for 'nothing'..
turning down my dream job in the nicu, and choosing to not be that career woman.
but honestly, i feel like i just started doing everything.
everything as a mother and a wife.
being a stay at home mom can be a satisfying full time job - but only if you make it.
you can sit around all day, watch soaps and complain about changing diapers, cleaning spit up, cooking, or cleaning.
or you can own it.
get organized. plan ahead. make time for yourself.
try new recipes. be creative. make your house a home.
support your husband. do things to make his workday easier - make breakfast, send him with a sack lunch. be thrifty. live a budget.
get to know your children. play with them. cuddle them. love them. make them laugh.
enjoy this time of life.
it will only happen once.

i can't find where the quote comes from.. but i recently i read something like this:

"you'll know your children as adults for all of eternity but only have the privilege of knowing them as a child for precious few years"

my sweet perfect little son - toothy grin, army crawl, midnight screams, blow out diapers and all. i want to treasure every moment with my kids because time spent is something you can't get back.

well, i will get off of my soapbox. mostly, these are things i have learned recently and wanted to record. i am not trying to say that being a stay at home mom is the right and only way to be a mom, but it is what is right for me and my life right now... i am so blessed and grateful for josh's hard work that allows me to be home with c.

"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."

- elder ballard (read full talk here)