the NICU

doing my capstone in the neonatal intensive care unit has been quite the experience.

i love being in the presence of these little sacred soldiers. 

sometimes, i have to catch myself from calling them calvin...

it goes to show how much a love and care for them.

it is always hard to see them hurt.

the first day i took care of a really small 26 weeker, i almost passed out doing his assessment.

the smallest stethoscope covered his retracting chest.

his tiny little body with teeny fingers and toes.

his skin transparent.

i was doing okay until he turned and looked at me.

his eyes personified him.

poor baby.

what a sad first impression he has of this world.

will he make it to 40 weeks, and go home?

will he have to be on oxygen?

will he be blind? deaf? have cerebral palsy?

will he learn to crawl and walk and run like other boys?

being born that early is rough.

i go home and hug my baby boy - grateful that he was born at 38 weeks.

grateful that he is healthy..

grateful for his smiles, and coos..

grateful that he has learned how to stand, 

and use his chubby fingers to pull my hair..

and even grateful for his stubborn personality, 

that at times drives me bonkers.

the other night when doing a night shift, i was caring for a 35 week baby girl.

she was doing awesome. breathing well. eating well. chilling under the phototherapy lights.

she had a little iv in her left hand. monitor probes all over her chest, and a red O2 sat monitor on her little foot.

her parents came to help with her cares and they were so personable and nice.

i was really touched by a story the dad told.

he talked about their first baby girl who was born at 24 weeks.

his wife had been on bed rest for a while in the hospital so they had been prepped on the outcomes of premature babies, and they understood the risks.

he went on to talk about the delivery of his first child and how he followed her into the NICU.

he saw the staff pull out the tiny intubation tube, and said

'it was my time to be a father'.

he stepped in between and stopped the resuscitation.

he grabbed his baby girl, went and sat in the corner and talked to her.

told her about how he met his wife..

the excitement the pregnancy had brought them..

their hopes and dreams for her.

he held her and cuddled her as she passed away.

what an amazing thing he did!

to free that baby of the suffering ahead.

to allow her to return to heaven and be a member of their family from there.

to stand up for something he believed in 

and let his faith in the plan of salvation cast out the fear of loosing his baby.